What's on My Mind? Butterfly?

            Honestly, I think about this while I was writing this English’s Homework. I tried to be as honest as I can be. I’m actually never imagine myself will got involved with MICE. I always thought I will be a doctor, city’s engineer, psychologist or a teacher. But I never imagine myself being an event organizer or being a part of Indonesia’s tourism business.  In fact, I’m not accepting the reality yet. I’m afraid living each day with nothing to dream of, with nothing I love. This is all feel just like a dream. I wonder if there is someone who feels the same like me. Each day passed and all I want just to run away from the reality.

            Lately, I got more comfortable with MICE and I got more afraid than before. I spent my life after the failures I’ve got on many university tests with not even a single dream. And now I got involved with MICE, I’m slowly got my old self back. Dreams are too beautiful so I’m afraid if someday I woke up and got nothing but pain. Just like a butterfly, it looks so beautiful but once you touch it, it might fly away far from you. No matter how hard you try to reach it, there is no use.

            I have no reason to keep myself in MICE field, I’m honestly had myself ask my mom to take me out from this field because I couldn’t take it anymore. I want to stop going to this collage every morning and end all the things that related to MICE. At first, I thought I have my own reasons. First, I’m not a beautiful girl who got so many attentions just by stepping on the scene. And when I saw my friend, they are all beautiful and attractive. I have nothing to compared with them, I’m already knew this fact. Second, they are all good in English. I’m afraid to speak up at first, because I saw how good they were.  Third, they are having a really good confidence. When I was in a high school I’m a student with a great confidence, but I suddenly loose it.

            “Negative thought only exist in our mind”, that’s the only thing that I believe when the thoughts coming back to me. And slowly I regain my confidence after listened to my collage teachers. But dreaming is still hard for me, so I start build my hope even higher every day. First, there is nothing I can do with my look. Second, if everyone is so good in English then let us got into a good healthy competition. Life is all about surviving the place you think you deserved anyway. Third, if everyone here is have a good confidence then it is good. At least we are not holding our self-back. This is actually a good atmosphere, i can improve my confidence.

            I admitted I hold myself back at the first and second week. But living each day with not even a single dream is harder than living with the beautiful dreams that scares me. I don’t know what others think about this. I’m certain it is not only me who got the uncomfortable zone . Let’s think about this more, there nothing bad God gives to us.

            Since i was child i always said i will grow up and become a president. But as time goes by, i become more disappointed with government. Even though is not easy to become a part of government. Even though we look pretty fine today despite the problems our nation faced. It is disappointing for me to see everyone near me suffered now days. I used to think this way, but today (19th September 2015) i come up with a better thought.

            It is true that our government is lacking on many sides. But if we keep on blaming them there is no use, our society will keep on suffered. My friends and i now are not a usual student, we are a university student. We shouldn’t blame the darkness because it will never change, but we should start turn on the light even the small one.

            It is true that dreams just like a butterfly, if we touch them we might got them run away even further. But why don’t we try to be a flower? We keep on dreaming that someday the butterfly will approach us. While keep growing and producing good things, and someday when we are worth enough the dreams will approached us and stay with us for a long time.

            Now, i have to be more brave to created my dreams and work harder so the dream will become true when i’m ready. No one promised that i will face a fine way on my “dreams catching” journey, even myself. But i know there are more chances and more precious experiences out there. Now i will start some light for my nation, for my future children and for this nation’s next generation. I’m still lost and trying to find my way, but I’m sure i will find it no matter what.